This week had a lot more going on than I expected.
When I first looked back at the plans I had set, part of me felt like I had not done enough. But that is not really fair. What is on my plate has grown dramatically, mostly because I keep following my curiosity and trying to understand what my purpose actually is.
One of the biggest moments was taking part in my first online Catholic debate. A friend invited me onto a TikTok Live and really encouraged me to get involved. There were three other Catholics on the panel and a main host who directed the Live and answered most of the questions.
I went into it as more of an observer. Before it started, and even while I was there, I said that I did not feel confident enough to speak up or add much. I have spent a long time listening to Christian apologists and conversations between people with different views, but actually joining one myself felt completely different.
Eventually I just swallowed the anxiety and went for it.
Once I started speaking, I surprised myself. I was able to respond to a lot of the points being brought against Catholicism. I also found myself asking questions to understand how the other person thought, what they believed, what they accepted as evidence and why.
I will be honest, one of the discussions could not really go anywhere. The person kept returning to circular reasoning, personal remarks and debate terms that were being used incorrectly. We ended up going around in the same loop, so eventually that conversation had to be cut short.
Still, I came away from it feeling positive. I received a lot of good feedback afterwards and, more importantly, I proved to myself that I could contribute. I did not suddenly become an expert, but I had enough confidence in what I knew to speak when I felt I had something useful to say.
The experience showed me two things. I have firm conviction, and I have a lot to learn.
I want to learn everything I can about debate. How to structure an argument, how to define terms properly, how to understand evidence and how to present my beliefs clearly without talking past the other person. Until now, most of what I have done is listen. This felt like the first time I had started turning all of that listening into something active.
This has been brewing for months. I have always felt some kind of calling towards helping people turn to Christ, but I have not always known what that could look like. I do not really have Catholics around me in everyday life, or many people who enjoy debating these subjects, so finding a friendly space where I can learn and speak feels important.
There were quieter forms of progress too. I patched up some friendships this week, and doing that felt like answering a calling from God. I wanted to handle things in a way that was intellectually honest, not just in whatever way made me feel most comfortable.
I also had personal struggles this week that I am not going to disclose. Music, LYLTY and the ambitions I have for this platform gave me something purposeful to focus on and helped me keep busy. They were not forgotten. They were just part of a much wider week.
My relationship with God has mostly felt good. I have done a few Bible studies alone and started to put together a proper plan for having God more actively involved in my day to day life. I do not want my faith to sit there as a passive conviction. I want it to affect what I do, how I treat people and where I put my time.
I still do not have everything figured out. Music matters to me. LYLTY matters to me. Growing in my faith and learning how to defend it matters to me too. I am beginning to realise that the challenge is not choosing only one of them. It is learning how they fit together without spreading myself so thin that nothing moves.
So I am not carrying disappointment into next week. I am carrying eagerness. More than anything, I am eager to grow as a man.